Adler and Child Rearing in the Modern World

A friend of mine recently posted an article about the curious nature of children and the inflexibility of the modern education system in facilitating such a curiosity. She also requested that I post an article about Adler, and whilst Adler is undoubtedly a multifaceted thinker, developing his own branch of psychology that departs from the classical Freudian model, I believe that a focus on child psychology will be a helpful introduction to Adler, not to mention the fact that it will incorporate elements of and help deconstruct the fundamental problem outlined in my friend's article as well as provide a general guidebook for parenting of sorts.

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Firstly, unlike Freud, Adler believed that at our core we are gripped by a "fictional finalism", an ideal state that we would like to achieve. Conversely, Freud placed more emphasis on the instincts and the libido in particular insofar as individual psychic formation was concerned. This in effect meant that Adler valued the individual and the uniqueness of the same more so than Freud, who applied a more reductionist and structured approach when dealing with patients. It therefore becomes evident as to why child rearing is central to Adlerian psychology. In Adler's view, the formative years of one's youth are precisely when a clear picture of one's "fictional finalism" takes shape. The values one holds begin to crystallize; a concern for the future and one's place in a future society take place; the consciousness of one's role, status in society and within the family dynamic form. In essence, an image of the 'ideal' is painted onto one's psyche. Adler argued that it was the job of the parent and to a lesser extent, wider social institutions, to help mediate the child's awareness of this 'ideal' and his/her desire to fulfill it.

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In the modern world, however, this mediating position on the part of parents has been greatly reduced. Given the primacy placed on structured education and employment, the ability to cultivate an 'ideal' freely no longer exists. Adler maintains optimism in the creative power intrinsic to all individuals to strive towards an ideal goal (a concept he termed the 'Will to Power'), however with society's increasing normative bias towards educational standard's being met and employment opportunities being created for children, the 'ideal' shifts from value creation to value imposition. It is no longer possible for a child to dream, he/she is simply told what his/her future should be. This, according to Adler, will lead to the formation of neuroses within the individual that lead to degeneration of the psyche as manifested by such behavior as alcoholism, gambling, anxiety, depression, nihilism, etc. Further analysis is provided by another aspect of Adlerian psychology; the inferiority and superiority complexes. According to Adler, all individuals progress from a position/feeling of inferiority to superiority. This is what motivates the individual to realize his/her "fictional finalism". If a child is treated as an equal during his/her formative years; if the parents of that child truly consider his/her dreams, neither pampering nor neglecting him/her, then the child will have a chance to progress naturally towards the future without compensatory behavior. For instance, a child in a household who is pampered, who has every need tended to irrespective of its absurdity, will, once such a level of care is removed, develop feelings of inferiority when that child grows up. He/she will compensate for this inferiority by acting impulsively, displaying a veneer of vanity and narcissism, and acting in a dominant manner. Such behavior is compensatory for the perceived loss of power and influence that the child experiences when transitioning from one world to the next. A similar set of behaviors might be observable if a child is neglected, with the only difference being that said child is reacting to the potential to gain power and notice that was lacking in his/her youth. Therefore, Adler sees the treatment of a child as an equal as the only suitable path to prevent excessive inferiority and superiority complexes from developing in the future.

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In the modern world, neglect/pampering can manifest in two ways in my opinion. Firstly within the family dynamic and secondly, via digitalization. Typically, given the fast-paced nature of the world today the nuclear family has been effectively destroyed. Families are either hyperfocused on work in order to satiate material standards of living or (as is commonly the case with better-off families) families are too disconnected either due to technological mediation, family size, or socio-cultural-economic values. In the former case, conditions for neglect are obvious. In the latter case, however, things start to get a little complex. Typically, better-off families whose parental figures do not need to work as much to provide a decent standard of living should, it stands to reason, be able to foster a closer family dynamic where parental authorities pay close attention to the development of their child and hence be placed in a better position to avoid superiority and inferiority complexes (indeed this rationale was used in France by Lamarckists to justify the superiority of the rich over the poor on an evolutionary scale). However, as is the case in any epoch, and particularly so in this modern one, the socio-cultural values adopted by these families tend to be exacerbated due to their financial position. The child is either prone to be pampered by such things as material excess and elite education, or by the same token neglected due to a lack of meaningful relationships outside their socio-economic bracket. By no means am I generalizing to suggest that all wealthy or middle-class parents engage in this behavior, however, this socio-economic group is more sensitive to the development of inferiority/superiority complexes within their children than any other group. To reiterate, the values that a child cultivates at this early stage are influenced (in the Adlerian view) by their surrounding environment, and parents represent a direct link to that environment as well as constitute a part thereof. Accordingly, if a child is placed in an environment that has restrictions to the experience of the world 'as is' (as is likely to happen in better-off households), he/she is less likely to develop an 'ideal' that is attainable, which inevitably leads to the development of an inferiority/superiority complex in the future.

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Regarding digitalization, whilst the classic argument that digitalization draws families apart due to more time spent on the screen than off with one's child remains valid, the deeper impact of digitalization is to create a simulacrum world within which the child interacts. False signals, unrealistic expectations, and a reality that does not accurately reflect the world are all transposed onto the child's 'ideal' image. Without careful monitoring, the child could develop an inferiority complex early on by resenting his being relative to the distorted models of perfection displayed online, degenerating the 'ideal' into one of vanity, materialism, and superficiality. Conversely, in a crude attempt to 'live up to standards' imposed by this false reality, the child may overcompensate behavioral characteristics and hence develop a superiority complex. Where previously cultural values were transmitted from parent to child, the internet has obfuscated that relationship and shifted the power dynamics away from the parent and to a false world. Whilst one may argue that a child is free from the socio-cultural imposition of values by his parents given the internet, and thus is able to form his/her "fictional finalism" in an unrestricted manner, one may similarly point out the inflation of these values online for the purposes of sensationalism and spectacle, thereby leading to a distorted 'ideal', which is unattainable.

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Overall, Adler suggests that parents should not let their own values delude themselves into believing that their child should adopt the same values. The cultivation of a free playground where children can experience the world for themselves, learn the rules of society, how to engage with other people, how to work and gain rewards, and how to love and form bonds is crucial for early development. Parents must ensure this wider social contact, whilst simultaneously not letting their own cultural biases influence their children. In other words, parents must let children learn on their own through play and curiosity. For instance, 2 children in a sandpit are fighting over a single toy, what should you, as a parent, do? In an ideal world, the parents of both children should not intervene unless the fighting gets violent. This teaches both children about the effect that possessing the toy has on the other. In essence, the toy acts as a vehicle for empathy and understanding of the other child, thereby building a fraternal bond. If a single child is victorious and the other starts crying, once more the parent should not tend to the child. The victorious child will begin to understand his own actions and develop empathy. He/she will develop a consciousness independent of self-interest, which is necessary for later engagement in society. The loser will come to understand that mom/dad won't be there to save me every time I lose. The loser will come to understand the reality of life and how to react to losing so as to prevent an overcompensation later in life (a veritable child-like cry) when loss is experienced for the first time. Similarly, if the children become violent and the parents step in, there develops an association between violence and dominant restriction that parallels justice in society. It is this fine distinction between neglect and pampering, which if achieved will allow children to flourish. One may question the education system's role in this, however, the education system is merely the manifestation of socio-cultural values perpetuated by the 'parents' of society. It is only when child rearing of this sort is acknowledged by wider society can the education system be altered to be more conducive to the creative impulses, the Will to Power, inherent in children.